penumbra
by reminiscent-afterthought
Summary: [AU] He wants to wait for her; she doesn't want him to. And it's fine, so long as they're not face to face. Because it's not just their personal problems – because an artist on the rebound and a torturer by trade go entirely too well together – but they've chased shadows of their past too far to leave behind. [Fem!Kouichi/Yuu]


**penumbra  
Chapter 1**

Cart-frame wheels squeaked as they ran over too-well polished tiles, followed by the squelch of muddied sneakers and a flash of blue hair. Taiki opened his mouth to call after him, but the handle, dragged back by the weight of vegetables in the cart, pushed insistently at the pads that marked the intersection of fingers and palm, and the boy was back at his side all too soon.

Still, a reprimand was at his lips. 'You shouldn't run off like that.' The store was too big, he could easily lose the boy in the throng.

The boy cocked his head, and Taiki had to wonder if his own child – when he or she was born – would be the same. Or maybe that child would be the sort who preferred to sit in the baby seat and add a little weight as he pushed a rogue trolley around, trying to find the items of a hurriedly scrawled shopping list. Or maybe, the list wouldn't be so scattered, because then Akari wouldn't be six months pregnant and wanting something complicated and sweet for every meal.

He grimaced at the thought of having Mizuame for dinner; those watery candies might be delicious as a snack, but there wasn't much nutrition in them. Hopefully he could convince her to have something a little more substantial. Melonpan perhaps, the variety that lacked any sort of filling. He could always argue her pregnancy was affecting her taste-buds…which wouldn't be a lie. Akari's sweet tooth might have been legendary for some time, but the last month had taken it to a new height.

He found a packet of Mizumae and put it in the trolley. His charge blinked at it. 'For Shou-chan?' He pointed at himself.

'For Akari-san,' Taiki replied. 'But if you ask nicely, she might let you have one.'

But when he turned to smile at the boy, he found him gone.

'Shou-chan?'

He looked around. Black hair, brown hair…and the occasional yellow or red hair, all of varying shades. But Shou's hair was a rarer blend from his parents: from the dark blue of his mother and the pale blond of her father, light curls somehow amassed from straight hair matched with the sort that flared at its tips. Though he certainly hadn't inherited his parents' nature, running off without a care of the people he was bumping into –

' – kaa-san!'

Taiki blinked, then stared as the small boy cannoned into a woman's legs, and then blinked again. From the back it hadn't been easy to distinguish her from anyone else: her dark hair, wound into a tight bun, was while several shades too light to be black indistinguishable from that common colour in the dull store lighting. Even her clothing was inconspicuous – aside from the fact that there was little, if any colour, visible through the crowd.

But the way she'd turned almost too fast to see when the little boy wrapped himself around her legs, the way a box toppled dangerously behind her from the momentum of her turn, and the way her hand automatically went back to push it before it fell were all too recognisable. But he didn't rush; it was a relatively large store, nothing like the more traditional 5 1/2 tatami shops near their quaint little house. If he had to guess – something he wasn't particularly bad at – he'd say the supermarket he was in spanned at least a thousand, considering he had long since lost sight of anything but towering sweets packets.

Shou spotted Taiki's disapproving frown as he weaved his cart around other shoppers, and detached himself from the woman's legs with a guilty took. The woman too looked at him, however with the sunglasses covering her eyes it was difficult to read anything from her face. Even her name, because there was no distinguishing birth mark or blemish on her pale skin, even when he was closer and could make out the creases formed from years of strain.

'Kimura-kun?' he checked, just to make sure. After all, last he'd heard from Yuu, she had been in Osaka.

She nodded, tilting her head as though she was glancing at the boy, still clinging to her pants leg, before inclining her head towards him. Unlike himself, she had forgone the cart-frame and its annoying wheels and simply had a basket in one arm, containing oil, flour, rice and a few vegetables – nothing that couldn't have been brought in a convenience store.

Noting his gaze lingering on the other's basket, Taiki pulled his eyes away and back to the pair. 'Are you here to visit?' he asked, catching himself from making the question sound too accusatory. After all, as far as broken families went Shou did still get to talk to both parents, even if he barely saw one of them. And he had to admit that _not_ raising their child together was – in the current (and past) circumstances – probably for the best.

'Work,' the other responded, but not curtly, before looking down at Shou again. The boy's blue eyes now looked a little doleful, and she let a small smile slip onto her face. Taiki found, being almost a head higher than her, like a teacher being strung along by a student; with her eyes hidden behind the sunglasses it was impossible to discern the sincerity of that smile.

Kouichi did not elaborate, and Taiki did not ask her too; with a child not yet in school and a public environment like the busy supermarket they were in, Kouichi's work wasn't a very appropriate conversation topic.

But Kouichi wasn't offering a new one – she rarely did – and Taiki was saved the trouble by Shou, who had moved to clutching black coat-tails instead of pants of the same colour. 'Done shopping?'

Taiki wasn't entirely sure that was addressed to him. 'Just need to pay for all this,' he said, gesturing at the cart-frame he held tightly with one hand. He'd let go a few times, on earlier shopping trips. And Akari had given him quite a scolding when he'd knocked down a pyramid of tomato tins in one of them.

'Al-most,' Kouichi said, around the same time, pausing midway as though stumbling over the reply. 'I was looking for the honey.'

Taiki might have laughed, if he knew her better and more fondly. 'You won't find honey in the confectionary section,' he pointed out.

He found himself staring at her again, this time her lips as they parted slightly, and then closed. In his defence, it was the only way to read her thoughts from her body: her eyes were hidden away behind dark lenses, and her posture too carefully controlled. Even if her pants and (possibly) shirt were formfitting, the jacket that billowed to her knees hid any slip she made. But even without all that, Kouichi was still one of the most difficult people to read that Taiki had ever met.

But trying to read one in such an environment was, perhaps, a wasted effort. The hum of the crowd ebbed with focus, but it still scratched like an annoying fly in his ear and perhaps Shou's restlessness spoke the same. The initial surprise had worn off, and now he alternated between clutching the jacket cloth with one fist, and then the other, while stubbed sneakers squeaked on murky tiles.

'The jams' section,' Taiki said, somewhat slowly as though something could be dragged out in that time. It was a strange meeting all round; he had to confess he had never really approved of her, and got the impression she was equally fond of him. 'Aisle two or three or something like that.'

She nodded, head turning slightly but not enough to be able to see past their current aisle. Perhaps if she was peering from the side of her frames she could glimpse the arrows which pointed: confectionary towards them, teas on the aisle to their right, and cake mix, flour and other baking things on the left. For a moment it seemed as though her forehead had creased a little, but then it was gone and the only lines that remained were from someone in a line of work unsuited for her.

'Thank you,' she said, quietly enough so that the bubble of sound about them swallowed it whole. She adjusted her grip on the basket before gently prying Shou loose with her other hand. The boy looked up at her, eyes wide and innocent and pale. 'I'll be seeing you soon. Be a good boy until then.'

He nodded, content with that, and came back to Taiki, who looked at the woman. 'Soon?' he asked.

'I'll be staying for a while,' she replied, this time some curtness entering her tone, before inclining her head again. 'I'll be seeing you.'

Taiki and Shou watched her swept away by a flowing crowd of colour: that mass of black and brown and yellow heads that came in an assortment of coloured clothes. It was surprising, really, how difficult it was to pick out an outfit almost entirely plain, however – and this Taiki admitted with some ruefulness, considering the nature of his wife – there was an undeniable elegance and sophistication about the uncoloured.

But he was not the artist of their little team, and so it was not a point he laboured – or perhaps ever would labour – upon.

* * *

Taiki found his arms full at the cash-out, caught between trying to pick up five plastic bags (which had come out of a single basket, strangely enough) and his wallet while at the same time making sure Shou did not wander off again. It seemed he was preoccupied with the little peppermint packets by the cashier, however Taiki was now well experienced with his attention-span and knew it wouldn't last particularly long.

The cashier looked a little impatient by the time it occurred to Taiki to set down his bags before putting his wallet safely away. Luckily, the space was wide enough for him to be able to juggle his bags without getting in the way of the new customer – unless he or she had more than a basket's worth of purchases. It seemed they didn't however, as the exchange passed quietly enough, and Taiki managed to tuck his wallet into his jeans, slip two plastic bags over each wrist and give the last, containing the packet of Mizumae and two Melonpans, to Shou.

Still, he had to wonder how they'd manage on the train, since his car was in the garage. Somewhat bad timing, but the motor had been acting up and he wanted the car in prime condition, should Akari suddenly go into labour. But Shou, despite having a small and largely manageable load, still managed to drop the bag four times on the way out.

Taiki sighed, then chuckled.

'It's slippawy,' Shou pouted.

'Well, you'll have to hold it properly still.' Taiki set his bags down, then took Shou's, wondering if twisting the handles around his wrist would keep it from falling – but then the Melonpans might drag him down, Taiki mused, wondering he could possibly manage all six bags himself without running the risk of obscuring his vision.

'Would you like a ride?' Kouichi asked suddenly, and Taiki jumped as he realised she had followed them out of the store. Perhaps she'd even been the customer – who Taiki now realised had most definitely been female – behind him at the cash register.

'We're – ' Taiki began, before looking at the bags scattered by his feet. 'Can you drive?' he asked instead.

The woman stared at him – or gave the impression of staring through dark lenses – a moment, and Taiki wondered if his question had been too blunt. Perhaps it would have been better, and certainly more polite (but more distant as well) to ask if she "did" drive rather than if she "could".

'I drive,' she answered eventually, not a detailed answer by any means but an answer all the same. 'I drove here, and your house is on my way.' She adjusted her own bags, just two of them and far easier to manage. 'Izumi's,' she added, answering the unasked "where".

Taiki nodded; it made sense her first visit in the area would be the adult branch of her family – her brother and sister-in-law in this case. He never did understand why Kouichi always referred to their house as "Izumi's" house and not her brother's, but perhaps it had to do with the fact that Izumi's father had paid for more than half of it as a present to his daughter, and the house was thus under her name.

Of course, she couldn't technically have visited Shou anyway, considering, but even if they hadn't ran into each other in the supermarket, Taiki was sure Kouichi hadn't been planning on visiting so soon – and he had to wonder if she felt like visiting at all.

Though he admitted, to himself _and_ to Akari and Izumi, that he didn't know her well enough to understand why a woman would choose to be as far away from their child as one could be without having abandoned them entirely. Because, as Akari always said to him, he wasn't the sort of person who could turn away from _anyone_, even if it was for the good of that person, or another.

'A ride?' Kouichi repeated, and Taiki finally noted the suffocating silence that clouded them. Shou was looking between the pair of them, utterly lost, and Kouichi indifferently regarding.

Taiki considered, before nodding. Any awkwardness that resulted was surely worth not juggling his purchases – something he really should have considered before buying it all at once. 'If it's not any trouble,' he said, 'then I'd be grateful for the ride.'

She nodded again and led the way. Shou, catching on, hurried excitedly beside her, reaching out for an occupied hand before drawing it back and reaching out again. Taiki took a moment longer to catch up, gathering the six bags – but, he reflected, a short walk to the parking lot was far easier to manage than navigating through crowded stations.

Now, if he had bumped into Kiriha instead, he could have helped carry some of those bags as well, but Taiki supposed there was really no cause to complain, considering it was his fault for buying the things available at a normal convenience store as well as those exclusive to the larger supermarkets. Although he had been thinking of how it would save him a later trip…

He hefted the bags and made it over, noting the car Kouichi was now unlocking looked much the same as it had two years ago. Again black and something not easily picked out from a crowd, but somehow it seemed a car had less to hide than a person did. And _could_ hide less as well.

There was enough space in the trunk for both their purchases, though Taiki noticed there was a third plastic there that hadn't come from the grocery store but from another. A gift? he wondered.

He decided not to think on it further. Shou was almost spilling on the seat in eagerness, and Kouichi was now carefully – and tenderly, Taiki noticed – buckling him in. He squirmed a little before grinning brightly; the angle was such that Taiki couldn't make out the other's facial features in response.

He closed the boot and came over, realising the woman had left the back door open. Whether it was to avoid unwanted speculation about the relationship or something else, he wasn't sure, but it didn't really matter. It was a relief, somewhat, to be beside a curious mass of energy instead of a woman who seemed to distance herself from love.

It was a little surprising, then, when she started making small-talk once the general traffic around the supermarket had been left behind and she'd eased onto a quieter road. Shou was quick to answer her prompts, telling stories that Taiki was mostly familiar with, but still happy to hear again. Like when he'd gotten a hold of his father's easel and created a little mesh of colours in one corner, then pronounced it as "art" when a consultant dropped by, or when Akari had left half-made batter to answer the phone while babysitting and he'd decorated the cabinets with the bowl. Taiki had to supress a snort at that one; Akari's face had gone and interesting shade of red that day. But it did seem as though she had a weak spot for adorable little children, something that meant their child was likely to survive to adolescence.

Taiki was content to listen for the trip, far shorter in car than it would have been via. the public route, and they were at the Kudou residence soon enough. Shou, whose attention had switched to the Mizuame in the trunk, was off as soon as the car was parked and the trunk unlocked. Both adults watched him go, then Kouichi, while Taiki unloaded the other bags, slid back into the front seat and took off her sunglasses.

'Did you want to say something to me?' she asked, turning back around.

Taiki paused in extracting the last plastic bag, looking over to the obscure blue eyes watching him, opening her face less than the dark shades had closed, but enough to see something lucid and poignant in those depths. Something real, as opposed to the artificial doll-poise that was apparent when those doors were closed.

He took a deep breath, then exhaled. The thought had crossed his mind, but he hadn't intended to bring it up directly, although now Kouichi was forcing his hand. 'I wondered,' he said carefully, 'if you were planning on visiting Yuu.'

'I wasn't.' The answer came with enough pause to speak sincerity but not that which would have imparted hesitation upon the words. 'But I hadn't planned on coming back until the summer.'

She didn't elaborate any further than that, but she had granted him the courtesy of facing him honestly in her reply, and for that he was grateful. Now, she faced the steering wheel again, fitting her keys back into the ignition and replacing her sunglasses with the other hand.

'Will you?' Taiki asked then, accepting the reply for what it was. There was nothing to be said on it after all; if she hadn't intended to return so soon, then his initial question had become irrelevant.

Kouichi lowered her head slightly, free hand now lightly grasping the steering wheel, although she was yet to start the ignition. 'Maybe,' she said finally. 'I don't know.'

Taiki shut the trunk; it bounced a bit, before the lock caught. Kouichi turned the key in response; their conversation had ended, perhaps long ago when the sharing of information had become less about words and more about the actions which confirmed or denied.

'Come visit us some time,' Taiki said finally. 'Shou-chan's normally with us on Sundays, and Akari will be happy to see you too.'

She might have looked at him through the reflection mirror, but Taiki couldn't be sure. 'Maybe,' was the response she gave, though her tone implied she would consider it. Hopefully she would; Taiki did not know her to be dishonest per say, however he did know her job spoke otherwise on the matter.

'That is awfully generous of you.' And he detected some amusement in her tone. 'Akari-san has my number, if she wants to follow up with that. I'm stuck here for a couple of months, in any case.'

Perhaps that was a yes, perhaps not. But then again, it had been a loose response to a loose invitation. Though it made him wonder, watching the woman drive away, whether she had somewhat misunderstood his feelings towards her. It was difficult to say though, when everything from her dress to her way of speech seemed determine to keep everyone, even her own child to whom she reserved a little maternal tenderness, at arm's length.

* * *

**A/N:** Some reference notes in case anyone's curious. :) And I suggest reading them if you're not familiar with the Japanese references.

Supermarkets use carts with wheeling frames as opposed to the generic trolleys that are in Australia – though I do know some stores are fond of the wheeling baskets – another thing entirely. In this frame, you can remove your basket at will, but it, in the frame, sits high enough to act like a regular trolley.

Melonpan comes in several varieties, but the one Taiki is thinking about is the one without filling, so it's just the shape that gives it the name "Melonpan". Mostly like a regular bun.

The name Shou (翔) means to soar or to fly. OC character, considering only the 01/02 Chosen are shown to have children and _their _names are unknown, much less the 04/06 characters.

Tatami mats are the way of measuring floor sizes in Japan, equivalent to about 1.5 square metres. According to Wikipedia, 5 1/2 tatami mats is the typical size of a traditional shop, 4 1/2 for a traditional tea room, and common room sizes are 4 1/2, 6 or 8. The last one looks is the relative size of a house's living/dining room I think. A one-room apartment would have its room about 6. A grocery store in comparison is about 3000 square metres, which is about 1900 tatami mats. Possibly spread over more than one storey. A lot of that room is naturally taken up by mechanical things like the shelving, the back stores, the check-outs, the trolley-bay etc. Those grocery store numbers aren't accurate, but they were the best I could find. Now, if Taiki hadn't been trying to estimate, I wouldn't have had to worry about that.

Single parents are a bit of a social taboo, so Shou suddenly yelling out "kaa-san" like he did in the middle of the store might have gotten odd looks if anyone other than Taiki had been paying attention to the sounds. Though they may have written it off as childish antics, but how many people would be _that_ excited to see their mother in a store? Granted, the store is very busy. Taiki might have held his hand if he wasn't busy with the cart and the stuff he needed to put into it.

Suffixes, particularly the way I use them, tend to confuse people so I'll just run through them here. "-chan" is an affectionate address, used for very young children, youngish girls (though junior or senior high would draw the line in most cases) and females/children one is particularly close to. For example, a grand-parent is most likely going to address their grandchildren as "-chan", but addressing a high-school girl as "-chan" when you're a high-school male will probably get the wrong meaning across. Shou is 2-3 yrs old here (I haven't decided on the exact age when I wrote this chapter, but I have a two year old niece who can talk very eloquently so I wasn't too concerned about the speech) so most adults he's familiar with will call him "-chan". People like Taiki and Akari, his pseudo uncle/aunt, will grow out of that later down the track and call him "-kun" perhaps. "-chan" is also something that gets tagged onto nicknames, eg. Koneko-chan will be how someone wants to affectionately address Kouichi (depending on if that someone uses Koneko in the first place or not). More on that note later.

"-kun" is more casual/less deeply affectionate than "-chan", and it's more commonly used for boys/boyish girls (either by name or by nature). It is also used in the workforce by a superior to address a junior member (something that has been confirmed since writing Crimson Bloodied Tears, where I was hypothesising). So Kouichi and Izumi, both of whom are particularly independent girls, may be addressed as "-kun" by people they're not personally close to, as Taiki addresses Kouichi. Albeit in that case it's more because Taiki's relationship with Kouichi is affected by his relationship to Yuu as a big brother/little brother.

"-san" is a level up from "-chan" and "-kun". In a school setting that is how you'd refer to a high school girl, plus upper-classman who don't earn the special suffix of "-senpai" – something I don't think I'll be using here, but I'll explain if I do at the time. In general it's also a polite address to people you're not familiar with to simply call by their names (a big deal in the Japanese culture) or one of the more affectionate suffixes. Also older people you simply can't refer to as such. The reason Taiki referred to Akari as Akari-san was because he was saying it the way Shou would address her, Akari-san as in Aunt Akari. As far as I know (mostly from Another having Sakakibara Kouichi call his aunt Reiko as Reiko-san while the subtitles had Aunt Reiko) there is no particular term to address a pseudo aunt. Parents is a somewhat strange one: I have never heard anyone write/say "kaa-chan" before, or "Otou-chan/kun" for that matter. It's always the "-san" ending. Taiki is a little older than Kouichi, who is about the same age as Yuu, and not particularly close to him, therefore she addresses him as Kudou-san. She addresses Akari as Akari-san for two reasons: one is to distinguish her from Taiki, and two simply because she's a little more familiar with Akari.

Relationships mentioned so far, in case people couldn't keep up: Taiki is married to Akari, who is six months pregnant with their first child. Kouichi and Yuu have a child named Shou, but I haven't explained their marital situation yet. Kouji is married to Izumi, with the house under Izumi's name and Kouichi referring to the place as "Izumi's" as well (an unrelated reason which will be revealed when Kouichi visits Izumi). Kouichi's mother (Tomoko) is dead, her father (Kousei) and step-mother (Satomi) are living in a different area entirely from where we are now, so in effect Izumi and Kouji are her only family in the area apart from Shou.


End file.
